Puberty: Masculine, Feminine, Non-Conforming


This week, we have a channeled window into our most vulnerable collective experience: Puberty

Like the childhood video, these images already have a home in your consciousness. Only this time, you might be surprised at what an awakening they are. At how removed you've become (as an adult) from that pain.

It is important to reflect on parts of the world that do not have access to media like the video depicts. For them, seeking that information adds another layer of trauma most of us cannot comprehend. When understanding their stories eliminate any media depictions from the video.

Interestingly, when those media clips are ignored we see a more diverse array of skin tones. For those who can access media, the pressure to meet the light-skinned "thin" or "fit" ideal is almost synonymous with puberty.

Alright, it is time to diverge into our separate stories: Masculine, Feminine & Non-Conforming.

Are you ready to enter the time portal?

Scroll down for 1 channeled video x 3 versions (1 backward, 1 animated). As always, music was intuited last.


Masculine Puberty

The Masculine's transition begins with ordinary situations calling his attention elsewhere. For example, suddenly the dogwalker's exposed legs seem more interesting than the dog. (dog walker, dog)

There is always a point where the Masculine is caught staring. This leads to embarrassment, and a need to restrategize. The need for secrecy only deepening the desire to get a closer look. (slap, head in hands, swimmer underwater)

 But, attempts to covertly steal glances are only so rewarding. This thrusts the Masculine down a rabbit hole of gratifying their curiosity. (underwater scuba diver, train tunnel)

It begins with secretly browsing Feminine magazines. This creating a belief that Feminine beings are from a different world. Curiosity is then sparked about what's in their closets, drawers, diaries...  (shoes, bra, writing in journal)

This only reinforces the "Feminine Mystique". The Masculine's illusions meets desire, meets hormones, meets secrecy, meets ignorance is crushing. The Masculine feels disempowered and vulnerable and tries to regain control. (person with colorful splashes, exposed legs, child with head down)

Regaining control involves diverting energy into things that provide a sense of power. The healthier end of this is video games, sports, music, school etc. The problematic end is "taking back" that control from those they desire. This can range from making fun of a crush to bullying/threatening/violating/assaulting/stalking. (Rubik's cube, superhero thumbs down)

The road the child goes down will depend largely on masculine role models, siblings, peers, parents, and how their behaviors are handled. If they are met with consistent neutrality or positivity, this is very ominous. (white-haired superhero shrugging, group of 3 smiling)

The summertime and vacations are a challenge because of the freedom to explore. From opportunities to sleep in close quarters to exposed skin, the Masculine is thrust into the next phase of overwhelm. This is when the Masculine's sexual exploration intensifies. They use their freedom to finally figure out this realm of existence. Yet again, there is a sense of regaining control over this vulnerability. This time it is more focused on gaining mastery over sex, and how to become desirable. (swimmer, beach, people with exposed skin looking away, anime characters, person with VR headset)

As exciting as this crossover is, it is also terrifying for many. The fear of being caught shrouds the experience with darkness. This creates a feeling of disconnect from loved ones which turns sexuality into a cold and lonely place. (locked door, someone opening door, galaxy in doorway, closed door)

At some point, the inevitable happens. Somehow, someway the Masculine gets caught. Whether they just sense it, or it happens overtly, this trauma can shape their sexuality indefinitely. How the observer handles this makes all the difference. If it is their mother, this can be most tragic as there may be intentional or unintentional shaming. (explosions, Feminine figure watching explosion, spiral)

Now the Masculine instantaneously has to integrate this cold sexual world into their identity. In many instances, they may feel "repulsive" or "perverted". They may feel lonely as whoever caught them treats them differently. (person with face in hands, smiling person with impulses, carrots being rubbed, ball leaving soft pink cushion, ball becoming metal and entering metal rings)

To make matters worse, this unleashed sexuality must be contained in school settings. There is a deep fear of public erections, and/or being caught masturbating. All their impulses must be managed with no real privacy. (bulging shape, person on floor, small key in lock, washing hands)

Life feels out of control, and yet few are acknowledging how challenging this time is. Everywhere the Masculine looks, there appear to be people who are "just fine". (messy closet, well-dressed person, prom photo)

This deepens the need to maintain a secret sexuality world. An experience that, again, only further enigmatizes the Feminine. These seperate worlds, result in a divided Feminine conception. One Feminine being overtly sexual, the other seeming unsexual. (sparkling person playing with hair, two escalators, teacher cleaning board)

Because the overtly sexual Feminine characters in pornography or movies do not seem to exist in normal life, the Masculine has to reconcile this in their mind. This often leads to significant distortion around Feminine beings and sexuality. (close-up of teacher, crowd)

The Masculine just continues on this path of formulating a view of the Feminine without the Feminine's input. This being due to the fear of connecting, and revealing their true selves in the process. (sparkly children reading)

The Masculine resorts to creating a vision of the Feminine through media sources, which creates a lifetime of issues in relating to the Feminine. (tv screens)

Cosmos Peractus appears at the start of the train tracks because this is when we need to provide real education. When adolescents go on this journey alone they get the bulk of their information from misogynistic magazines, websites, pornography, etc. This does not mean we should invade a child's privacy. It means we need to reduce shame around their experience, allow them to ask questions, and provide educational books on puberty and sex.

Lyrics in Video

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like the world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far

Feminine Puberty

The Feminine's process sadly begins with messages about what is attractive, sexy and feminine. This comes before sexual desire. And, with the abundance of media messages, it doesn't feel necessary to consult with friends and family. This leads to very distorted ideas about attractiveness and the feminine archetype. (tv screens, sparkly children reading)

Here begins the Feminine's lonely journey into puberty. One that starts with constant inquiry into who they are supposed to be, and how they are supposed to look. (crowd, well-dressed teacher)

This process leaves the Feminine trying to "achieve" attractiveness. Soon they will associate true love and happiness with achieving this state. (escalator, sparkly person)

Attractiveness to the Feminine does vary. It could be equated with academic achievement, beauty standards etc... It depends on what messages they received. (blank library, prom photo)

It is only after they get a grip on who they are "supposed to be", that they question who they want to be with. Because the Feminine feels like they have to earn love, they instantly view their crushes as unattainable. Often obsessing over older students, actors or musicians because they don't have to face rejection of their current "imperfect" selves. (well-dressed person, messy closet)

At this point, adulthood feels like secrets and beauty products. That is until physical puberty starts: an eruption of physical pain, intense mood swings, body hair, acne... If they menstruate, it creates a world of questioning and fear. "How do I gain control of this?" "What if I bleed in public?" "How will I know I need to change my pad?" "How do I use a tampon?" "Is this really forever?" (locker, sink, person with knees up, bulge, metal orbs going through circles)

This same stage is when they truly awaken to breasts: having them or not having them. The Feminine becomes accutely aware of how much attention they receive. This often being their first dose of Masculine sexuality. (ball on large ring, small ring, carrots, figure with impulses)

All of this is a sensory explosion. The Feminine already had the mindset that happiness was at some future point, but now it feels impossible. The demands they placed on themselves have been compounded by managing bodily aspects out of their control. (person looking at far off explosion, larger explosion)

They now have to create a private world to figure out their bodies. One focused on perfecting and controlling, versus understanding pleasure. (door opens, door closes on galaxy, locked door)

The Feminine's only solace is fantasy. Fantasizing about the future self that is finally "worthy" of love. Fantasies that have less to do with the lover and more to do with how they are treated or how they look. General actions taken that reflect being attractive in the other's eyes. (VR headset, anime characters)

In their regular lives, there are crushes that get their deep emotional attachment, but their focus is often on others of their gender. How they look, their lifestyles, what makes them attractive to others? (swimmer, scuba diver, series of people looking away)

In the summer months the Feminine has time to really explore romantic connections. At this point the Feminine runs into a dilemma. They are not attracted to those who seem "easy to get." They've unknowingly intertwined love with effort. (camp, smiling trio, white-hair superhero shrugging)

 The Feminine then looks for potential love interests that appear disinterested. This aligns with their view of themselves as unworthy. This also creates a reward system for their attempts at becoming attractive. "If I get their attention then it means I've achieved that 'look' or that 'vibe.'" (superhero thumbs down, Rubik's cube, person with head in lap, person in front of lake)

When the Feminine reflects or journals on their love interests, it is entirely around indications the person was attracted, what could have attracted the person, and a general orientation of trying to "win" that person. (person journaling, adult person with colorful splotches)

The path to "perfecting" themselves superficially continues for the duration of many Feminine lives. The messages never stop about how the Feminine should appear, live, or behave. (bra, shoes, train tunnel)

When the Feminine enters their first romantic relationship, their partner is usually inundated with the Feminine's insecurities. A constant need for affirmation that they are attractive, or the Feminine feels upset and unlovable. The partner becoming exhausted with the degree of energy and focus this requires. (scubadiver, swimmer, person with head in hands, slapped, person with dog)

Cosmos Peractus appears by the person with the camera. This speaks to how little is said about what makes the Feminine desirable aside from appearance. Without this knowledge, the Feminine wastes an enormous amount of time imagining changing their appearance will change their lives.

Lyrics in Video

(I'm a female rebel)
(I'm a female rebel)
(I'm a female rebel)
(I'm a female rebel)
(I'm a female rebel)
Sleeplessly embracing you
(I'm a female rebel)
(I'm a female rebel)
(I'm a female rebel)
Realization grew on me
As quickly as it takes your hand
To warm the cold side of the pillow

Non-Conforming Puberty

No, there will be no generalizing about this category. What there will be is an awakening to how the non-conforming person must deal with elements of Masculine and/or Feminine puberty. This on top of the unbelievable pressure to understand their experience with little to no guidance. The animation representing the inexplicable and undefined.

The non-conforming person must face puberty and self-discovery as a series of heroics. The acceptance of their true selves meaning possible rejection from loved ones, society and religions. If they also feel like they are in the wrong body, this poses challenges that can't be described in words.

Cosmos Peractus is at the end of the video because the pressure to feel secure in their gender and/or sexuality can take a lifetime. There is no one point where we must intervene, it is the entire process that is a tragedy. When we create restrictions around gender and sexuality, we are harming children at the most vulnerable point of their lives. We are responsible for traumatizing what should be the simplest and sweetest aspect of their existence.

Lyrics in Video
I can't explain
Every time your eyes meet mine
Clouds of qualm
Burst into sunshine
And constant craving
Has always been
Or maybe it is life itself
That feeds wisdom
To its youth
Constant craving
Has always been


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