Structural Integrity

I believe the greatest challenge to self-expansion, is living in systems that were developed by the same fear-based brain state we are trying to expand away from. Nothing builds societal systems like fear. It's a powerful motivator. Joy, sadly, utterly disposable. 

Today, we'll examine our societal templates for romance. Surprised? I want to begin here because it is one archetype we have the immediate power to change. We are also privy to all its inner workings. All the factors that ensnare us as we attempt to evolve paradigms.

Sad, isn't it? Thinking of romance as another fear-hacked system? What I've realized, is where you find societal pressure, you find stale survival tactics to protect the collective. I've yet to meet a societal pressure that insisted on my happiness and seizing the one life I got. 

As a woman, granted Indian-woman... wait do I need to keep going? Let's just say I don't speak Hindi, but I do know the Hindi phrase for "You marry now!" 

Don't pretend you all don't know similar madness. I'm also American... I've seen things, man.

So looking through the fear-lens, is anyone else noticing we are creating entire life orientations around childbirth, marriage and little else? The pressures end there? Certainly a general pressure for financial viability, but otherwise, it's as though society has little to say beyond those things. 

I watch young married couples celebrated, parents overjoyed, babies born and no mention of life beyond that. This cycle seems in no way altered by the bewildered reactions that same young couple receives if they are still happy and together at the end of their lives. 

A mad rush and then radio silence. 

That's because society has never pushed for love but rather proliferation. Contrary to popular belief (Mom... Dad)... these pushes and these timelines have less to do with cultivating love than war does in creating peace. 

My love for actual love, sustaining love, has me questioning what romance would look like if we saw beyond the mad dash. I have no qualms with the young married couple, I just wish we were as invested in their prolonged happiness. 

So this is where I ask, what on earth would a love-based society look like? How about what an honest-to-goodness, love-structured relationship looks like? Maybe the latter question is where we can find leverage. Where are we leaking this fearful trajectory into our romantic lives? Even after marriage?

If I'm being honest, and this may inspire discomfort, and I promise this isn't leading up to a free-love tirade, I think it is fear that drives us to invest all our emotional resources into our romantic partner. I'm not entirely certain isolating one person as the source of our well-being has worked out well for us. I think this may be one of those fear-based orientations, and I'm probably inspiring fear with every typed word. 

Just like the mad-dash for baby-making, the business partnership paradigm continues to echo survival more than it does love-sustainability, in my opinion. Survival, in terms of a complete sequestering to avoid outside baby-making, and a practical blueprint for child-rearing. No joy or love anywhere to be found. 

How do I believe in this AND monogamy? I just think we need to invest equally in other sources of love. That is all. Not necessarily romantic love (although I do think many could benefit from enjoying dating a little longer), but making a sister, brother and/or best friend as much of a life investment. 

Even the most incredible people you'll ever meet, can't withstand the dulling effects of being a primary source of companionship. How can they when the system is set up for security and not passion? 

Don't get me wrong, I'm aware many are already implementing ideas like these. As I've said before, I just want to speak to the insanity of it. 

"You didn't mention how people don't take the time to be friends first." - Your mom 

God, yes, that too. (Did you read that in a Long Island accent too?)



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