The Disease of Love Expression


I believe one of the greatest enslavements we will ever know, is the validation defect. Some day I hope to express how it is indistinguishable from the human experience in its entirety.   Today I will make a still grand attempt to show you how this menace has ravaged love. 

Like all ruinous mechanisms of human perception, our personal templates for validation are orchestrated in the mind of a child.  A simple thought experiment demonstrates this. What is your biggest fear in relationships? Okay, now how did this fear play out in childhood? Better yet, what belief about your lovability do you carry as a result? 

For survival, our developing brains seek navigational systems towards nurturance, and things get very disturbing. We almost always make ourselves the causal factor. Mom repeatedly lashing out from exhaustion can become "I'm a burden and unlovable." Not only did we log experiences as "this is how I'm unlovable" but we also logged a very distinct set of circumstances for FEELING LOVED AT ALL

But it wasn't love! It was your specific caregivers' means of being attentive towards a developing, often annoying, child! Think of the adult who seeks abusive relationships because the only parental attention they received was abuse. Even without abuse, any and all factors relied on as proof of love, are in essence loveless

Love is ineffable, unproven, impossible, unknowable... Love exists in dimensions of our experience yet to be understood. 

Scientists tell us about love with the science of attachment. 

Love can't be proven and yet we have strict devices for it being perceived. You've likely wavered through states of "more loved" and "less loved" dozens of times today as a result. 

Based on the false imaginings of a literal baby self, you now structure every relationship you will ever find yourself in.  

The cascade of implications for needing an, arguably, illogical set of love conditions is beyond comprehension. How often is the demise of a relationship about love conditions, versus actual lovelessness?  

Even infidelity. For the sake of argument, infidelity STILL isn't proof of the absence of love towards a monogamous partner. Crazier still, how often is infidelity a response to someone's own love conditions not being met?

And so it goes. 

Reducing the most impossibly beautiful aspect of existence to a strict set of circumstances has created, what I believe, the downfall of love. Societally this includes the structure of romantic relationships. 

Can you say your marriage was a celebration of love or needing the construct that provides proof of love? It matters. I believe when we structure relationships to avoid our fears, rather than enhance love, a paradox has been created. 

The two can not coexist. 





... and because I promise I have a sense of humor about the whole thing.



- Samsara

(Sources: James Bowlby's Attachment Research, James Masterson's The Search for the Real Self, and Terry Fralich)

2 comments:

  1. So relateable, so brilliant...and that video! Hahaha!

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    Replies
    1. Damn, why does validation have to feel so good. :)))

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